Sandy Starr

Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

(To recap:  my dear friend David had been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and wanted to travel the United States, seeing places he hadn’t seen, returning to places he loved, and visiting friends and relatives along the way.  He invited me along, and since neither of us was flush with money, we drove in his tiny car,  stayed in inexpensive or free places, and he gifted me with memories to last a life time.  Nothing special, just good times and a new perspective on life.)

To continue -

We finally found David’s grandmother’s San Francisco townhouse through the fog and even though it was fairly late,  she was up and waiting for us to arrive.  Her home was very comfy,  in a row of similar places, garage underneath and two levels of living space above.  She was telling me how David always referred to her as his feisty grandma and she had looked the word up in the dictionary and found out that it meant “full of feist”  – feist meant gassy, so she chastised him for calling her an old gas bag!  (Actually, I looked it up and it more or less refers to “breaking wind”, so guess she was kind of right!) How cute.  Eight-eight years old this week and “full of feist”!

She had made up the guest room for us and David told her he would be fine on his sleeping bag in the den.  She said she understood that young people today shared rooms without benefit of marriage and that she wouldn’t be offended if we slept together.  We told her that we appreciated that, but that we were old fashioned and wouldn’t dream of being disrespectful.  Guess she didn’t know David was gay and of course knew nothing of his illness.  Thank goodness.

The next morning, David was up bright and early and ready to hit the road again.  Determined to see what we had missed yesterday because of the fog and impending darkness, we hopped in “Tracy” and headed south via the interstate highway and within a few hours we were back near Carmel and Monterrey.

Back on the Pacific Coast highway and once again encountering breath-taking views of the coast.  Today was sunny and bright and we were back on our adventure!  Found the Carmel Mission in the little town and toured the beautiful gardens, went in to the chapel where Father Junipero Serra had established another of his string of missions up and down the California coast.  Beautiful and inspiring.

Mission Carmel - Oil

Drove around the town and out to “7-mile drive” where we saw Pebble Beach, sea lions barking from the rock formations on the coast, purportedly Clint Eastwood’s house (one-time mayor of Carmel) and the famous Lone Cypress tree growing out of one of the rocks jutting out of the coast line.

In front of the famous "lone cypress tree" near Carmel

Watched a little sea otter floating on his back and performing for onlookers.  Had someone take our picture and we were on our way back up the coast, through beautiful farm country, past lighthouses, canneries and more.

Back to Grandma Green’s house in time for a lovely dinner which she had prepared for us and lots of fun conversation about the most recent earthquake (eeks) and how her furniture had fallen over and broken a lot of her china and crystal.  She didn’t seem perturbed at all, just happy and “feisty”.

To be continued…

The next morning, David drove me over Mulholland Drive to the Pacific Coast Highway.  Saw huge houses and more of Beverly Hills – a bit sad to be leaving LA and Hollywood.  Didn’t really have enough time here to see everything but I’ll be back.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is David’s trip and we are pretty much going where he wants to go.  Actually he has been wonderful about taking me to places I want to see, so I can’t complain at all.

Got out at the Santa Monica Pier and walked along the beach.  Saw rollerbladers, bikers, body builders, etc.  Everything I have seen out here makes me feel I’ve been here before – it is so familiar because of all the films and TV shows they film out here.

Too bad it was kind of foggy misty, but interesting anyway.  Breeze off the Pacific Ocean kind of nippy.  Had a burger, took some pictures and bought some cards.

Drove up the coast through more familiar-looking areas along Malibu, etc.  Still very hazy and hard to take pictures.  Over Malibu Canyon road back to the freeway towards Bakersfield.  Gorgeous mountains between LA and the desert, past Magic Mountain amusement park.

Since David had lived in Bakersfield at one time, he had some good friends that he called and they asked us to come stay with them.  (Another notch in the old “mooching belt”)  They were so thrilled to see him and took us out to dinner, around town, to a car wash to get some of the grime off our little car, and back to their house to catch  up on old times.  David has not told many of his friends his health issues because he wanted to be treated without any sympathy, etc.

Then it was back to the California coast line at San Luis Obispo and the awesome scenery began.  We must have stopped at every rest area along the Pacific Coast Highway to take pictures and just gaze at the craggy shorelines and the beautiful ocean.  I have so many photos that will make gorgeous oil paintings and I will be remembering this for a life time.

When we came to the area where Hearst Castle loomed over the hills, we stopped into the gift shop to see just how much a tour of the castle at San Simeon would cost.  WAY over our budgets, so we took lots of pictures and bought some books!  We were later to learn that David’s grandmother grew up in one of the mini-mansions which surround the castle as her father was a teacher to the Hearst children.  Interesting.

California Coast Painting - 36"x24" - Oil - $900

Passed the Big Sur area – GORGEOUS – and had wanted to stop in the Monterey/Carmel area, but the fog was rolling in and we decided to head straight to San Francisco before it got too dark and hard to see to drive.

By the time we got there, the fog was so thick that David had a difficult time finding the street where his grand mother lived.  As we crept up to each intersection in the little car, we felt as if we were the only ones on the road.  David would carefully drive while I called out the street names.

I finally said,  “David, do you see anything you recognize?”  and he responded,

“Well, YOU look kind of familiar…”

And then we found Grandma’s house!

To Be Continued…

I remember thinking that this must be the ultimate goal of David’s trip, the Grand Canyon, but it turns out that we had only just begun!

My Impression of the Grand Canyon - 36"x24" - Acrylic - $900

When it finally got too dark and cold to safely wander around the edge of the canyon, we drove down to the IMAX theatre and watched a fabulous movie about the discovery of the Canyon. We stopped just outside the populated area, got out of the car and looked up at the stars.  There were no other cars on the road and no lights from anywhere but the sky.  The brightness and abundance of stars was incredible.  We just stood there in total silence and awe and looked at the heavens.

Then it was back on the road.  We had thought about going to Las Vegas (we could see a glow in the distance from all the lights on the Strip), but decided to just keep on to California.  I wasn’t much help driving, kept falling asleep.  Poor David was exhausted when we finally found a room in Barstow at 4 am. This time we each had our own double bed, so we slept soundly and comfortably (and with no more embarrassment!).

I woke up around 8 and David finally got up and was ready for us to leave the Motel 6 by 11!  I like to let him go at his own speed since he is the one who knows how much strength he has on any particular day.  The way the past few days have gone, though, I think he has a lot more energy than I do!

Kind of interesting for me to visit this desert town, since years before I had almost moved here.

We drove into what we assumed was downtown Barstow and had breakfast in a little cafe that seemed like a favorite hangout.  The locals were right: it was nice and not too expensive.  We drove through lots of desert and mountains and it was neat.  Kind of pretty in its own way but very dry.

On our way to Los Angeles and I grew more excited. Hard to believe I finally made it to California and LA after all these years of hoping to come here.

I guess I am having a few of my own miracles on this trip.  Excited to be in California for the first time, not knowing that in years to come I would return many times to visit my precious kids who both live here!

Thanks to David, I am experiencing all kinds of new places and people.

To be continued…

It’s an all-day trip from our homes in Florida to the home of David’s sister in the panhandle of Florida.  When we arrived, his sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew were there to greet us.  I don’t think they believed how ambitious our trip was hoping to be, but they went along with the joke anyway!

They prepared a lovely spaghetti dinner for us and we spent a fun evening feeding a little baby squirrel that had fallen out of its nest, watching TV, and telling them all the high points in our up-coming trip. We watched an episode of “Northern Exposure” and David said we were going to visit the little town in Washington State where it was filmed.  I thought – sure we will.

After a pretty restful sleep, we were off early the next morning – our first official day on our own and heading west. We started a tradition of taking a photo of the various state welcome signs to prove we had actually crossed into them and taking videos from the camera David’s folks had loaned us. The wandering adventurers were on their way!

The first official day of our journey; leaving David's sister's home.

The first few days, David refused to let me drive his car, but as we continued and he grew weary, I would take over some of the duties.  Men.

Alabama, then Mississippi, then Louisiana.  We whisked through familiar places in anticipation of new scenery.  We did make a stop in southern Mississippi and it was then I learned of David’s penchant for casinos.  Many hours were spent while he tried his hand at Black Jack and I lost my allotted $20 in slot machines.

We were back on the road and decided to keep driving until we tired.  Sometime in the middle of the night, somewhere west of San Antonio, Texas, we pulled over to a rest area to use the facilities and take a little catnap.  We awoke with the sun, still crammed into the tiny little car!  Freshened up and found a wonderful place for breakfast which featured “Texas-sized pancakes”.  Platter-sized and filling, but we felt ready to cross the state!

We stopped to take pictures along the way and decided that we should take a little side trip into Mexico at El Paso.  We parked the car on the Juarez-side of the bridge and were immediately “greeted” by young guys offering to watch our car for us for a small fee.  This made us both a little nervous but we walked around in a pretty little park (within eye sight of the parking area) and walked to the top of a pedestrian bridge over the highway to take a few photos and then scurried back to our lifeboat!

We drove around town a little bit, but didn’t see much that we wanted to explore,  so it was back over the Rio Grande and into the U.S. once more.  It had been an adventure, but David was a bit unnerved by the thought of buying “insurance” for his car and all our belongings.

We drove north into New Mexico, had some dinner in Truth or Consequences (named after an old radio game show) and decided to start looking for a place to stay (and actually PAY for – no mooching tonight) around Gallup, NM, as we had a full schedule planned for the next day.  It was fairly late and dark by the time we got to our destination and we could not find a motel anywhere.  Finally, off the highway was a cute little adobe building with pink neon letters proclaiming “Vacancy”.  I stayed in the car while David went into the office to pay.  A few minutes later he came out, with key, but grinning from ear to ear.

“The manager said that since we wanted to stay the night, we should not be too loud!”  Apparently they rented by the hour.

(To be continued…)

We planned a tentative itinerary, spent a whole day at the AAA office getting maps, routes, etc. found someone to take care of our cats, packed his little Mercury Tracer to overflow and in less than a week, we were on our way!

I truly didn’t know how far David’s energy would take us so I kept an open mind.  I thought that he might become too weak to travel very far, figuring we would be back home in a few days, a week at the most. I thought it would be a fun adventure no matter how long we were on the road.  I am always up for a trip!  Boy, did I underestimate my friend’s energy and determination! I was pretty amazed that we were actually on the road and heading west – all kinds of unknowns were ahead of us and I was pretty excited.

David and I had long philosophical talks while we were driving and his gentle acceptance of whatever fate lay before him gave me a new lease on life.  I need to remember that these days when I start worrying about the future.  His belief was to live for the moment and I am so proud to have been with him as he explored new places and long-desired visits to friends and family.

Since we both were somewhat frustrated in our personal lives, he kept trying to convince me that I was better than the guys I had been seeing since my divorce.  “Every shoe has a mate,” he said.  “Your trouble is that you have been settling for tennis shoes when you should be waiting for your Gucci to come along”.

(To be continued…)

Today he would have been 54 years old.  He used to say that when he was a kid he could never imagine becoming 40.  He died when he was 38.

We were friends for just over 6 years, but that period of time was a life changer for me. He was 12 years my junior, a gay man, a talented performer.  I was a mother of two college age kids, just out of a painful divorce and pursuing a lifelong dream of being “an actress” as well as a professional artist.

David and I became fast friends and soul mates; from the first day we met and the poor guy had to be my partner in a production number in a play – “Pajama Game” – at a local community theater.  I know I must have crushed his toes more than once, but he never complained (well…maybe a little.  This was, after all, David!)

He and I would spend many hours together over the next years and he taught me a lot about acceptance, living life for today, and enjoying the simple things.  We would watch TV, movies and plays together.  We went out to eat a lot, went shopping and dreamed of traveling.

Since I was an artist (and at that time, an actress in film and TV.  Yes, my ambitions grew quickly!), I was always working a part-time job somewhere.  The summer in question, I was – of all things – selling snow cones at the Cocoa Beach Pier!  I didn’t make a whole lot of money, but I had a killer tan.

One day, David stopped by for a visit at the beach, as he often did, and he told me he wanted to take a road trip.  Did I want to come with him? Since he was living with an unfortunate illness, he thought this might be his chance to see places he had always wanted to visit and never had before.  Plus, there were friends and family to see along the journey.

“Oh, David,” I said.  “That sounds like a lot of fun, but I really don’t have the money to make a trip like that.”

David replied, “Hey, I don’t either.  We’ll just mooch our way across country!”  And so we did…(to be continued)

Happy birthday, my friend.  I miss you.

When I was just out of the first grade at Miami Shores Elementary School, my father took a job as an electronics field engineer with a company based in Baltimore.  Upon the sale of our house, my mom and I headed north to meet him after he completed his orientation with the new job.  His first assignment was at a radar station – in Naselle, Washington!  Talk about hitting the road!

We had a small, early 1950’s era Nash that took us on our first exciting odyssey across the United States.  (No Interstate highways then, just open roads!) I think my love of travel – and the ability to amuse myself for hours – was born from that first excursion.

My dad made sure we visited as many historical and interesting sites along the road as we were able to and I still remember visiting Lincoln’s home in Illinois, Mark Twain’s home in Missouri, seeing snow for the first time in the Rocky Mountains, and many more adventures. I was encouraged to keep a scrapbook of the trip and I still have it to this day!

The window next to the back seat of that car became the portal to a new world and I would stare for hours at the new and exciting scenery I saw.  From palm trees in Florida to rolling plains, from wheat fields in the Midwest to snow-capped mountains and awesome waterfalls, we saw it all. Naturally, I spent a lot of time daydreaming about the different towns we would go through and made up stories to go with what I thought I was seeing.  My dad, whose mother was an artist, made sure I always had crayons, color pencils and lots of paper to put my thoughts and impressions on.

Thus my love of travel and making art was born.